Funniness.

[highlander]

susan-and-her-flat-mate.jpg (71.56 KiB) Viewed 7960 times

[GivinUDaHimelik]

Some of the most memorable quotes attributed to Yogi Berra (Yankees baseball player), even if a few of them are too good to be true:

"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

"All pitchers are liars or crybabies."

"He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious."

"You can't think and hit at the same time."

"So, I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face."

"It's déjà vu all over again."

"Even Napoleon had his Watergate."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"Cut my pie into four pieces. I don't think I could eat eight."

"Never answer an anonymous letter."

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else."

"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"The future ain't what it used to be."

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

"I never said most of the things I said."

"It ain't over 'til it's over."

"Always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise, they won't come to yours."

[British Bulldog]

To wish you all a happy Halloween here is a Halloween related joke.

There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a Monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads.....

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the tin of treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!!!

[mattie]

my joke

Spoiler: show

Chelsea FC

[chris1726354]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YdL1HjUh2Uo

[chris1726354]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6L8UQaAJmYs

[chris1726354]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6L8UQaAJmYs

No one thought this was funny?

[Ryankill]

Did you make that?

[chris1726354]

Did you make that?

Nope.

[BeatlesFan]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6L8UQaAJmYs

No one thought this was funny?

Yep. I give it 3 1/2 LOLs